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Zenith Comics: http:/zenithcomics.com ... For the latest mayhem go to http://earth-alpha.blogspot.ca/ Musings and mayhem from Andrew Collas

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HEROIC Issues 1 Script


Care to read the unpublished script?

http://earth-alpha.blogspot.ca/2013/01/heroic-1-unpublished-script.html

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"The English language is the product of Norman invaders attempting to pick up Anglo-Saxon women. The resulting language is about as legitimate as the resulting offspring." — From the Internet
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Re: HEROIC Issues 1 Script


Hey Andrew,
You have some writing chops for sure and you have a knack for setting up dramatic visuals. Thanks for sharing your work. My problems with the story are purely subjective, so I can't really provide much constructive comment.

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Gary Brown
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1/8/2013, 8:08 pm Link to this post Email GWB83   PM GWB83 Blog
 
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Re: HEROIC Issues 1 Script


Thank you very much, I appreciate the feedback. If you wanted to discuss the subjective issues you have, I would be happy to do so via email or in the comments on the blog itself.

I assume you didn't want to here from your phrasing, but if I am wrong let me know.

Either way, I really appreciate the feedback and you made me smile emoticon

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"The English language is the product of Norman invaders attempting to pick up Anglo-Saxon women. The resulting language is about as legitimate as the resulting offspring." — From the Internet
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Re: HEROIC Issues 1 Script


So after your plea in general discussion, I decided it was high time I take a look at your script for Heroic Issue 1.

Overall, I really liked it, so take these comments in the constructive manner in which I mean them.

Let's start with the prologue.

The funeral scene gives me a "Watchmen" vibe. I feel that pouring rain at a funeral is a little cliche, but that's up to you.

I wonder if using a real-life person like President Obama is a good idea. This issue seems to indicate that there's at least one major conspiracy going on, and I wonder how much the president is going to be involved, or how believable it will be if he's not.

The next scene gives me a "Terminator" vibe, which I can get into as well. The shocking ending initially threw me for a loop. Is one of the major heroes of the world simply going to be killed by a gunshot to the chest, by another hero? In rereading, I think I have an inkling of what's going on.

My major criticism of the prologue is that it doesn't seem to mean anything later in the issue. I would like to see some kind of callback to it later in the issue (maybe have Lady America introduced as part of the team tracking down the protagonist!!!!).

Again, I hope these comments help. I really enjoyed reading the script, and I'll make some more comments regarding the rest of issue when I get the chance.

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Dice Rolls:Invisible Castle
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Re: HEROIC Issues 1 Script


quote:

ruckusmanager wrote:

So after your plea in general discussion, I decided it was high time I take a look at your script for Heroic Issue 1.



Appreciated sir!

quote:

Overall, I really liked it, so take these comments in the constructive manner in which I mean them.



Oh god no, I fully intend to take them personally and throw the biggest hissy-fit after I read them emoticon

quote:

Let's start with the prologue.

The funeral scene gives me a "Watchmen" vibe. I feel that pouring rain at a funeral is a little cliche, but that's up to you.



There is something I have noticed, everyone who reads it never dislikes the same thing or likes the same thing. That actually pleases me a lot to hear.

In the next rewrite I am moving it indoors of a large cathedral, as I realized it was a silly idea to have a state funeral out doors. I was being all Tony Scott and going for "atmosphere". LOL!

quote:

I wonder if using a real-life person like President Obama is a good idea. This issue seems to indicate that there's at least one major conspiracy going on, and I wonder how much the president is going to be involved, or how believable it will be if he's not.



Well I was going to just say "The President" but really, by the time this comic get's printed, if I am lucky, he will be at the end of his 2nd term... yeah I don't feel strongly or not on this one.

quote:

The next scene gives me a "Terminator" vibe, which I can get into as well. The shocking ending initially threw me for a loop. Is one of the major heroes of the world simply going to be killed by a gunshot to the chest, by another hero? In rereading, I think I have an inkling of what's going on.



Excellent! I also picture Sarah Conner in her jeep at the end of Terminator driving through the high desert! So glad you got that emoticon

As for the questions, that's the point and I will address more below.

quote:

My major criticism of the prologue is that it doesn't seem to mean anything later in the issue. I would like to see some kind of callback to it later in the issue (maybe have Lady America introduced as part of the team tracking down the protagonist!!!!).



The as-yet unwritten epilogue does start to tie it all together, but of course not without adding even more questions.

As for the call back to Lady America, let's just say issue #3 will answer many, many, many questions for you (while adding even more emoticon )

quote:

Again, I hope these comments help. I really enjoyed reading the script, and I'll make some more comments regarding the rest of issue when I get the chance.



I think all intelligent feedback is awesome as it gives me insight to the reader's mind, something I desperately grave! emoticon

I am glad you enjoyed it, there will be an 8th draft (with epilogue) coming soon and then, issue #2 begins!

Feel free to leave further feedback, everything helps and makes me stronger as a writer emoticon

Cheers!

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"The English language is the product of Norman invaders attempting to pick up Anglo-Saxon women. The resulting language is about as legitimate as the resulting offspring." — From the Internet
2/5/2013, 1:34 am Link to this post Email AndrewCollas   PM AndrewCollas Blog
 


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